So, it's 3:41am. I'm talking to a friend online and he asks me: what would you do if you were fearless?
Then I got to thinking and decided to write this online so he could see my post.
1. I guess this is top of my list: if I were fearless, I wouldn't be so afraid of dying. I think this is too much of a religious matter. I remember my dad saying, on his last days, that he would never fear death, because he had God on his side and he would finally find life, by being in heaven. This is something that bothers me a lot. I'd like to think the same way.
2. I'd do parachuting. Wow, I can be random! from death - God - to parachuting. But seriously, I freak out to the idea of it, let alone practicing it itself.
3. I'd go travelling around with no destination, no planning, just backpacking and relying on people's goodwill to survive. I've a bit of an itchy feet but no guts to leave this place.
4. I'd quit my job and start afresh somewhere new.
5. I'd go back to Calgary, take the job as a teacher and try living there for a while.
6. I'd move from my parents' house to my own place.
7. I'd tell all those people at work who hate me to fuck off and get a life.
8. I'd tell the guy I love the truth: that I genuinely believe we will end up together as in a fairy tale, that I watch these chick flicks and think of him, that I sure picture him as my future husband and that I'm a loser for that.
9. I'd work with fashion.
10. I'd leave my mom to solve her own issues and would live my life free of any guilty for leaving her to her own problems.
11. I'd buy a FRICKIN' car.
12. I'd walk from Cultura to Embassy everyday.
13. I'd feel like myself and I'd put myself out there more often. I wouldn't be afraid of being noticed by new people or meeting new ones. I'd feel myself again.
Thirteen items on my list. That is a pretty big list I'd say. Some of them are serious - I realize that now. Some are just silly stuff, but they matter to me somehow.
My question now is: How can I be more fearless?
I guess I have some pretty big issues to sort out. I'm gonna sleep on that tonight...
Have a good night...