Best Day ever.

Second time this week I am told things like that. Don't feel like sharing. Don't think the people involved will read this. It's just that it feels so humiliating. I know I am not the nicest person on Earth. I know I make comments which are no thaaat nice, but c'mon. GIVE ME A BREAK. You know when your day wasn't that good? Your mother shouted the worst things at you in the morning. You tried your hard to look (and sound) as nice as possible. Your students' tests vanished from the table you were working at. And then someone comes and says such a thing?
Maybe if we're talking about a different day, it wouldn't even matter. If it were someone else, it wouldn't matter either. But this time, it hurt. And I felt like a nobody begging for a favor and incapable of doing things on my own.
Worst part? Getting in the car, in a never-ending silent drive to work, listening to the apologies and not feeling a BIT like looking at this person's face (specially when your eyes are cheating on you with tears).

Nice one. You've got yourself another strike! Well done.

Present Continuous

I saw this over Danielle's blog Sometimes Sweet and as I can't resist a good questionnaire, I decided to post it over here. This is exactly how I'm feeling right now!

Obsessing over: my blog and pinterest. I'm so excited I got to do a very nice header for my blog and now it looks really neat and a nice place to read for hours and hours. Pinterest, well... ehr.. this one I've been obsessing over for quite a while. I can't help the amount of awesomeness on that website. I so love it. I'd spend a whole day pinning beautiful images if I could.

Working on: lots of things. I don't even know where I start: at the moment I'm working two-jobs and both of them are extremely demanding. I have to juggle a gazillion of activities throughout the day and in the mean time plan my lessons as usual. Damn hardwork!

Thinking about: how early I have to get up tomorrow. There's another Cambridge training in the morning and I also have to go to my school's new branch to decide on our end-of-year party. I also forgot my students' tests at the other school, so I'll probably have to go there ... all work, no fun, I know...

Anticipating: Christmas! Oh my God... this is by far my favorite holiday ever! I'm trying to redecorate my living room so that I can put together some really neat Christmas Decor (thank you, Pinterest!). I'm also looking forward to starting my bedroom's decoration project after the holidays! It's going to look A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!

Listening to: the TV in the background. If I take my whole day into account, well, today was a tad nostalgic. It seems as if all of my friends decided to take me on a trip down memory lane back to 2005/6. I'm not complaining, I loved it! It reminds me of special people, of someone who's in a better place now... of my college girlfriends.. really nice memories. (Oh, and that would be Travis, Oasis, Radiohead, The Verve, Strokes,  Beatles...)

Drinking: Orange Juice. I've just had a huuuge glass of orange juice!

Wishing: that 2011 goes away as soon as possible. It was the worst year of my life. I lost so many important people, I lost my dad, above all. I'm pretty sure 2012 will rock, though. Keeping the optimism really high.

I'm so happy with this little blog. Seriously. My header looks amazing and now it looks like me...

Fearless.

So, it's 3:41am. I'm talking to a friend online and he asks me: what would you do if you were fearless?

Then I got to thinking and decided to write this online so he could see my post.

1. I guess this is top of my list: if I were fearless, I wouldn't be so afraid of dying. I think this is too much of a religious matter. I remember my dad saying, on his last days, that he would never fear death, because he had God on his side and he would finally find life, by being in heaven. This is something that bothers me a lot. I'd like to think the same way.

2. I'd do parachuting. Wow, I can be random! from death - God - to parachuting. But seriously, I freak out to the idea of it, let alone practicing it itself.

3. I'd go travelling around with no destination, no planning, just backpacking and relying on people's goodwill to survive. I've a bit of an itchy feet but no guts to leave this place.

4. I'd quit my job and start afresh somewhere new.

5. I'd go back to Calgary, take the job as a teacher and try living there for a while.

6. I'd move from my parents' house to my own place.

7. I'd tell all those people at work who hate me to fuck off and get a life.

8. I'd tell the guy I love the truth: that I genuinely believe we will end up together as in a fairy tale, that I watch these chick flicks and think of him, that I sure picture him as my future husband and that I'm a loser for that.

9. I'd work with fashion.

10. I'd leave my mom to solve her own issues and would live my life free of any guilty for leaving her to her own problems.

11. I'd buy a FRICKIN' car.

12. I'd walk from Cultura to Embassy everyday.

13. I'd feel like myself and I'd put myself out there more often. I wouldn't be afraid of being noticed by new people or meeting new ones. I'd feel myself again.

Thirteen items on my list. That is a pretty big list I'd say. Some of them are serious - I realize that now. Some are just silly stuff, but they matter to me somehow.

My question now is: How can I be more fearless?

I guess I have some pretty big issues to sort out. I'm gonna sleep on that tonight...

Have a good night...

Last Night

This past weekend, I decided I'd download a bunch of movies so I could stay in and eat lots of chocolate crying over cheap romantic comedies. While I was googling for some new chick flicks, I found this 2010 movie called 'Last Night', starring Keira Knightley and Sam Worthington. I wasn't in the mood for sad movies for my life was already a mess, so I skip this one to watch some other movies. But then, today I started watching it and I'm still trying to grasp my reaction to it. 

The movie portraits the life of a married couple - Michael and Joanna - who seemed perfectly happy until she realizes her husband has a crush on the girl he works with. Out of guilty, he wouldn't try to make a move on this girl and kept saying he would never be unfaithful to joanna. 

Well, life and its unpredictability play a trick on them when both Michael and Joanna see themselves stuck in a moment where they have to decide whether pleasure and regret have a place in their marriage. 

The interesting thing about this movie is that it actually makes you feel sorry for both of them, even knowing they are both guilty. There are times you just wish Michael would never find out about Joanna and Alex (her great love) and there are times you just wish Joanna wouldn't notice the guilt in Michael's eyes. Yet they are connected by a frustrated and imcomplete marriage, the feeling you get is that even though they can't resist temptation and be faithful, you still want them to be together, because marriage, I mean, the institution, the sacred vow has to remain pristine and untouched.

The movie brought me to a dicotomy I never thought I'd be able to showcase. I've always felt that betrayal was the most disgusting and unforgivable of acts, however, 'Last Night' made me feel like instantly forgetting what I've always believed in in order to maintain the order.

I am not too sure if I like this feeling. On the one hand, it puts 'marriage' - the whole institution - in a pedestal, whereas this concept is achieved by the means of betrayal. Is that really the way people found out to prove the most successful relationships are the ones which go under some kind of test? Well, it bothers me that I felt inclined to agree with the movie's idea. 

Anyway, I'd totally recommend this one. It is always good to watch movies with good actors and excellent acting. I'd totally give it five stars, after all, I wouldn't have written a post about an entire movie if it hadn't caused any effect. 

More info: Last Night (2010)

Excuse me.

Soundtrack of the day.
This could be my motto for this Sunday. 'Excuse me if I break my heart this Sunday'.
Have a nice week.

Late at night.

I.want.to.sleep.
How difficult of a request could that be?

Lazy Sunday

I needed some rest. That is a fact. But not like this.

Sunday started like this:

1) Woke up at 6:30. Can you believe it:? on a S-U-N-D-A-Y! Such a crime!

2) In order to restore peace at home, I took my out to lunch. We had a pleasant time, even though my stomach is pretty upset with the outrageous amount of food we ate.

3) Slept the whole afternoon. It was great (despite the fact that I woke up with a terrible headache. I don't know why I insist on sleeping in the afternoon. It's always the same - get rid of enourmous eye bags (result of vulgar amount of work) and get a free headache -!

4) Had the most amazing dream with my dad. First one I got to see his face. I could actually touch him, give him a kiss and put my head in his shoulders. I felt loved again. I knew he'd already passed in my dream, but somehow I wasn't afraid and I just wanted to be with him again, to talk to him one more time, to hug him and look into his beautiful blue eyes. He was having lunch with us, as he used to - he was eating his favorite dish - and he asked me if I were okay, if there was something missing, to make them stop fighting. He looked so pretty, so healthy. I woke up crying. My mom actually thought I was in pain for some reason. I miss my dad so much it hurts.

5) Spent the rest of the night reading a book. I wanted to finish it today, cause I still have a long list of books to read. (check the picture). That is definitely what I love doing the most. It takes me out to a different dimension. 

(I know, two versions of Eat, Pray, Love - I had no idea I'd already bought one!)

6) Got to talk to a friend. He's one of the Canadians I like the most. He's been going through a hard time and I feel like I gotta help him. I truly hope things work out for him the way he planned. I hate to see people feeling bad because things didn't work out. I'm all about go for it and try it again. 

Still have some lessons to plan, but guess what? I don't feel like doing it at all.  

I'll keep listening to my John Mayer playlist...

It's gonna be a long, long night - given the fact I slept the whole afternoon.

HAVE A GOOD END OF WEEKEND.