Obsessing over: Songs. I just don't know what happened. It's been two days I decided to organize my Itunes and update my library with songs I lost, I found and I like. Went to bed at 5am doing that. Crazy, huh?
Working on: lots of things. I don't even know where I start: at the moment. This coordination thing is killing me. So many teachers to deal with, parents, kids, tests, and everybody else. SO looking forward to December!
Thinking about: how early I have to get up tomorrow. There's another Cambridge training in the morning. (Isn't it funny that I got this from a post and it's exactly the same thing? I didn't even have to erase it!)
Anticipating: Christmas! Oh my God... this is by far my favorite holiday ever! I'm trying to redecorate my living room so that I can put together some really neat Christmas Decor (thank you, Pinterest!). I'm also looking forward to HOLIDAYS!
Listening to: My mom talking to someone outside our house. I'm also listening to lots of different stuff: Of Monsters and Man, The Belle Brigade, Jake Buggs, Eisley's new album, etc, etc.
Drinking: Right now, only water.
Wishing: that December comes in a wink. I can't stand working that much any longer.
I used to have this great friend. I remember at first we didn't see eye to eye very much, but you kinda sense when you had no reason for this person to be someone you don't like.
We became friends and for some reason this person betrayed me. It wasn't any betrayal, something you can easily forget. It was something invasive, personal, sad and revolting.
However, I don't seem to feel angry at this specific friend. Whenever I look at her I feel sad. Sad for her, sad for our beautiful friendship that got lost in the middle of that tremendous act.
Today I got to watch her presenting something for ourjob and all I could think was how much I miss when we were friends. Unfortunately I don't think I can forgive her neither can I understand WHY she did that to me.
It is something I'll have to learn to understand and she is someone I will have to forget. It will be one of the toughest things I've ever had to do, I can feel that.
I got home tonight and felt like saying this out loud.
But I know life will make it easier for the disappointment to go away. And using one of the sentences I hate the most in life, it's just a matter of time.
1) This song makes me really happy. REALLY HAPPY. I don't know why. As I mentioned before: Cuteness at its most.
2) After months of total separation I got to see him again tonight. We went out for some pizza with some friends. It is so weird having him out of my life. Sitting right next to me for the whole meal gave me this real uncomfortable feeling that I was bothering him. Even the sound of my voice bothers me when he's around. How is it even possible that someone you really loved one day brings you such bad feelings. Anyways..
3) I had a very nice weekend with my friends. It's been such a long time we have been together. I'm really glad to have people like them in my life. They have the power of distracting me from real life.
4) Got back to listening to some real music. Nice old (and new) stuff. I don't know what happened to me. I guess I just felt like acting that way, being the old me would bring me back memories of people who are no longer around. People I miss a lot, like dad or Lawrence. I guess I'm okay now.
5) I'm happy today. Whatever the reason for that is, well, thank you.
Since my first initial thoughts for this space were all related to using it as somewhere to keep things I'd like to remember later in life, I decided it was a good idea to post this.
This is something I've just come across while reading one of my daily (compulsory) reading blogs. I'm pretty sure it's old news out there, but, given the fact I've been going through a crises in the sense of really FREAKING out about turning 30, it suits me just fine at the moment.
1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come. (CHECK)
2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.
3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour. (CHECK)
4. A purse, a suitcase, and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying. (CHECK)
5. A youth you’re content to move beyond. (CHECK)
6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age. (CHECK)
7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age -- and some money set aside to help fund it.
8. An email address, a voice mailbox, and a bank account -- all of which nobody has access to but you. (CHECK, although the internet part still needs some working done)
9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded. (CHECK)
10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry. (DOUBLE CHECK)
11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra.
12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it. (CHECK)
13. The belief that you deserve it. (CHECK)
14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30. (Working on it, I swear)
15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that do get better. (career, check. relationship is still a fail.)
By 30, you should know ...
1. How to fall in love without losing yourself. (hmm... there's room for improvement)
2. How you feel about having kids. (SUPER CHECK)
3. How to quit a job, break up with a man, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship. (CHECK)
4. When to try harder and when to walk away. (CHECK)
5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next. (CHECK)
6. The names of the secretary of state, your great-grandmothers, and the best tailor in town. (CHECK)
7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to. (CHECK)
8. Where to go -- be it your best friend’s kitchen table or a yoga mat -- when your soul needs soothing. (CHECK)
9. That you can’t change the length of your legs, the width of your hips, or the nature of your parents. (still working on that)
10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over. (CHECK)
11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love. (CHECK)
12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or not flossing for very long. (CHECK)
13. Who you can trust, who you can’t, and why you shouldn’t take it personally. (latest events won't do me any justice)
14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.
Há essa garota. Alguém que fez questão de colocar nela mesma um rótulo: algo normal como um slogan pegajoso e que se repete através dos anos. O que ela não sabia, porém, era que tal logo funcionava basicamente como uma fuga - do que ela realmente é, do que deseja ser, mas nunca do que foi.
Essa garota se alimenta de algo etéreo, diria até mesmo surreal. Algo que não se compra, não se acha facilmente, mas quando o feito, desperta desejos ocultos e profundos de uma alma das mais diferentes formas: música, poesia, cinema, leitura (boa leitura) e acima de tudo palavras.
Acredito que acima de todas as outras coisas, as palavras a encantam. Palavras que tocam o seu ser e são diferentes dos outros. Aquelas proferidas em bares sujos com poetas perdidos na vida real. Mais ainda, aquelas ditas por alguéns inesperados, já vistos antes, mas que nunca haviam se pronunciado - essas então que a encantam.
É um alimento abstrato no sentido de não ser palpável, mas concreto no sentido de existir - filosoficamente falando. Algo que ela compartilha com personagens - julgados por ela como pessoas que procuram uma fuga da realidade e um medo do que é viver o que está ao seu alcance. A concretização desse combustível a mantém viva de maneiras estranhamente encaixáveis com o seu jeito rotineiro de viver.
Para muitos, ela pode ser encantadoramente charmosa, afrodisiacamente bonita e chamar atenção por cada esquina de detalhes da personalidade, mas quase nunca pela pele. Talvez a pele seja o mais secundário do que ela realmente é. Os homens acabam comprando essa poção de charme, afrodisíacos e fascínio. Mas compram justamente pelo efeito da droga: passageiro, como algo que 'alimentasse' a fome do vicio por coisas concretamente abstratas.
Do ponto de vista dela mesma, o difícil vai ser se encontrar. Talvez esse nem seja o verbo certo. Talvez o verbo certo seja se 'desesconder', se revelar. Fazê-lo num mundo onde ela seria rotulada como alguém com medo das convenções, do tradicional. Alguém que só achará paz quando o seu sexo oposto lhe oferecer o seu mesmo veneno. Quando ela provar da sua própria poção. De um alguém que fomente a sede das artes, da beleza, da vida, do charme e faça com que ela transborde essas emoções.
Que esse alguém seja um. Todos em um. Um nela. Um.
Here is a compilation of songs that have to do with my life in some way. They are in random order. I just want to make sure they are here so in maybe three years, I'll come back to read this post and listen to them again!
1. Wish for Something More - Amy MacDonald
This song pretty much says it all. It summarizes my love life in the past 5 years. A love life of being in love with best friends and ruining everything. I love the song despite it all.
2. Something - The Beatles
This was the song my ex-boyfriend (the one who died last year) wrote on my Orkut (seriously!) wall five minutes after we'd met. And he signed the song with the sentence: Thanks George (Harrisson), you said it all. It was so cliche and so cute at the same time!
3. Talk Tonight - Oasis
The same boyfriend asked me to be his girlfriend while playing this song. It was pretty awesome.
4. Killing Moon - Echo & the Bunnymen
Someone proposed to me while this song was playing. I'll never forget that night. Even though things didn't work out, you never forget a marriage proposal. Plus, I love Echo & the Bunnymen (period)
5. I Felt the Chill Before the Winter Came - Elvis Costello
I bet this person has no clue this song reminds me of him, but WHENEVER I listen to it, he comes to my mind and out whirlwind kinda relationship comes to my mind. It's a good feeling, though.
6. This is the Life - Amy MacDonald
This is my best friend Katy's and my song. We kill at it! It's our opening act in our imaginary concert!
7. It's Beginning to Get Me - Snow Patrol
This reminds me of my C-train ride in Calgary at 6 pm when I was going home. Whenever I listent to it, I can literally see the view of the Bow River, the bridge, the train, the people, the cold weather. It's such a happy thought!
8. Miss Misery - Elliot Smith
This reminds me of a long year in my life when I thought I didn't deserve much respect from anyone for being such a bad person. I could see myself in it. I really like the song, don't get me wrong!
9. Lover, You Should've Come Over - Jeff Buckley
This could be a music combo, really. I could just put Lilac Wine, Last Goodbye and Hallellujah in this very same category, or I could just name it Buckley. He's such a recurring figure in my life, connecting me to different people, at different times. Nevertheless, the most special moment I had with this song was when this guy I was madly in love with sent me this very specific part as a letter:
'It's never over, my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder
It's never over, all my riches for her smiles when I sleep so soft against her...
It's never over, all my blood for the sweetness of her laughter
It's never over, she is the tear that hangs inside my soul forever...'
10. Time Has Told Me - Nick Drake
Again, this is another song that two people have said to think of me when listening to it. And amazingly, they reffered to the same part:
'Time has told me... You're a rare, rare find, the troubled cure, for a troubled mind...'
11. A Flor - Los Hermanos
This is a Brazilian band and my favorite of all times. My grandma' always says this is MY song and whenever she listens to it it's as if I were there!
12. Nowehere Man - The Beatles
This is my ex-boyfriend's tune. Lyrics are very self-explanatory.
13. Primavera - Música de Brinquedo - Pato Fu
This song was 2011 for me. It reminds me of the first semester, when things were okay, I was in love, My dad was fine and I was completely happy. It reminds me of a very special friend as well.
14. Slow Dancing in a Burning Room + Free Falling - John Mayer
Both set the end of a very long and heartbreaking relationship for me.
15. Magnolia Mountain - Ryan Adams
Not only does this song reminds me of my two best friends Ila & Katy, but it's also a song that I truly love, from moment one when I got to know Ryan Adams to date. Really, I love it.
16. Falling Slowly - The Swell Season (Marketa Irglova & Ben Hansard)
This is the song of my life. Everyone who knows me, knows how special this song is for me. And I love the movie.
17. Love Will Come Through - Travis
I've always loved Travis. It's an old love. They make me feel special, happy, nostalgic, all in one. And they've been in my life for so many different reasons, at different moments, times. This is just one of my favourites, but their compilation album Singles could be here without a doubt.
18. Ten Cent Blues - Eisley
I. LOVE. THIS. BAND. SO. BAD. End of conversation. They've been with me forever.
19. Falsa Baiana - Roberta Sá
This is so me & him when we were an item. When we used to go dancing and to dance until our legs were so tired we couldn't stand anymore. It was something between me and him and no one else. Which is lost in time now.
20. Homesick - Kings of Convenience
This is about me and my friends and whenever I listen to it, it makes me think about all of them and how blessed I am to have them with me all the time.
